One Moment At A Time

“Trust is like that feeling child has, when you throw him in air and catch again, he enjoys it.” Really? Do you think it is trust? Well, if you are of a logical kind of a person who believes only in facts then try this experiment- Get hold of a child(beg, borrow, DON’T steal), throw him up in the air, and forget to catch him (Note: This experiment is NOT to be tried but just imagined). So suppose a mother/ father hurt their child while playing, the child’s ‘trust’ is broken, and now what? The child won’t ‘trust’ its parents again for having hurt him? Will the child shun its parents forever for breaking its trust? Will the child now develop ‘distrust’ towards them? The bigger question is does child even know what ‘trust’ or ‘distrust’ means? It’s US who are trying to make meaning of everything around us. Children don’t find it necessary to find meaning in what they do. They in every sense ‘follow their hearts’. Filling sand in their pockets, collecting rubbish, throwing things, jumping and clapping randomly, saying things in a language we can never decipher and there are a million other cute things you might have observed. None of these things might make any sense to us, but the kids find their own joy in it which is beyond our understanding. When the kid is thrown in air, he/she is not even thinking of what will happen next. It just enjoys that moment. It does not think of the future or the consequences. Unlike us it’s carefree. I think more than the action it’s the consequences that follow which we fear. But children just live in the moment and thus are fearless. No overthinking. No reflecting. No judging. No assuming. All is about feeling and acting upon those feelings.

 Feelings are to be felt. And thoughts to be thought. But we just do the vice-versa. We feel about our thoughts and think a way too much about our feelings. A child thinks so independently, free from presumptions, assumptions. A child’s thoughts are original, formed by their own experiences rather than books, scholars or teachers. Children are action-oriented, not thought-oriented. They do things for the joy of doing it. Judging and labelling it ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ is the work of the ‘experienced’ adults.

A child is always open to new experiences and that’s where the enthusiasm and the energy come from. Newness is the motivation. Once the experience is old you are no more motivated to go on with it. When we are curious, we learn more. Well, then, one of the ways we can keep ourselves enthusiastic in life is by being curious and open to freshness in life. Don’t think that you can’t be a child again. Every time you do something new, do it without expectations. Do it for the experience. For the joy of ‘being’. And you’ll feel child-like.

Sip your juice drop by drop, don’t gulp it in. Indulge wholly in the action of drinking. Live the moment. Don’t think of anything else but the juice, the fruit which is crushed, the feeling it leaves on your tongue, imagine it travelling through the food pipe and into your stomach. Relish it. And trust me, you’ll cherish it.  

Back out or Face it!

I am an extrovert. I love talking to people. It makes me happy. But here’s something contrasting to this personality, I’m scared of asking for a pack of biscuits at a general store, buying a juice at a juice shop or even asking the grocer for grocery. Strange as it may sound but I’ve always felt self-conscious to talk to any shopkeeper even for the littlest of the things that I need to buy.

While I’ve been appraised by people for my confidence and boldness in conversing, I wonder what the reason for my shyness is for doing a thing as petty as this. No wonder I like the idea of super-markets where one is not intimidated by the shopkeepers and can help herself on her own. Some may think how is it a big deal but to me it’s more than a deal, an ordeal. Buying even a bottle of water to quench my thirst takes all my energy. I would rehearse the whole act of buying a million times in my head like I’m here to impress the shopkeeper with my verbal skills and like he’d give the stuff for free if I were good enough. “An orange juice please, I need an orange juice, I’ll buy an orange juice, can I get an orange juice and it goes on...”. And while all the jabbering is happening in my mind, I reach the counter. My undivided focus is on my nervous hands clenching the money. It’s my turn in the queue. I look up to the person in-charge there. My mouth goes dry. My face is flustered. Words hardly come out of my mouth.  I want to run from here. My voice is barely heard. Unable to comprehend, he asks, “what do you want Ma’am?” I stutter, stammer and hastily place my order once again. My subconscious sneers at me saying, ‘’for heaven’s sake, you are paying for what you buy, why do you have to be so embarrassed and nervous?”

It might all seem like I’m overthinking a simple issue, but it isn’t simple to me because it’s something I need to overcome to communicate fearlessly. Going out to buy something is a part of our daily lives, as important and unavoidable as a shower in a hot weather. I had to find a solution to this problem, a challenge rather. Avoiding the situation doesn’t help in the long run. I took my inhibitions for granted. I didn’t realise there could be something as deep as ‘self-worth’ that could be the underlying reason for my shyness. I feared to state my rights without hesitation in front of people. The fear of being misjudged and misperceived surfaced my behaviour. Some needs unmet, some wishes unfulfilled made me conscious about asserting my simple wants in life. Whenever I required something I’d look for people around me to get me what I wanted. I’m an independent person in general but I realised I lack mental and emotional independence at some levels. It’s easy to be dependent and hold onto a crutch. But the fact is such a crutch can be held onto only temporarily. A Crutch too may fall apart someday. I’ve made my decision. I’m not going to surrender to my inhibitions. I’ll make sure I don’t ask my friends or family to order for me, instead I will take the lead. However uncomfortable it gets initially, I won’t give up.

Every small habit, various obsessions, even the most trivial mannerisms tell a tale about us. Unveil your secrets by observing yourself. Grow out of your fears, face them. After all, it’s you who can help yourself the best.

People and their ways

Such  a  hypocrite  society we  live  around  which  gets  so easily  blinded  with  rumours  and  the  tittle-tattle  of  the  people.

How it excites  people  to  quickly  point  their  fingers  on  the so-called  well-known  and  well-off  people. ‘To  err is  human’ , this  is  how  the  saying  goes ; then  how  is  it  that  only  when  ‘well-off’  commit  mistakes (supposedly)  they  are  blamed  and  accused  so  wickedly..  and  how  are  the  ‘not-so well-off ‘ exempted  from  all  this ? Both  situations  it’s  the  humans  that  are involved , then  why  double  standards???

It’s  just  too  easy  to  put  down  someone  by  forgetting  the  many  good  deeds  done  by  them  for  few  unintentional  faults.. but does  one  even  attempt  to  know  why  things  have  been  the  way  they  are. No. One  believes  only  what  one  hears. I wish  we  all  took  a  little  extra  time  in  reflecting  what  we  say  before  just blurting  it  out. We  often  avoid  the  other  side  of  the  story; we  immediately  judge  things  that  are  proximal  to  us. We  live  in  a  society  which  looms  on  people  to  pull  their  weak  strings  and  bring  them  down  to  their  own  level. Sadly  jealous  society  that  spends  its  quality  time   in  gossiping . What  pleasure  they  might  be  getting  out  of  all this , one  wonders!

When  parents  are  ready  to  disown  their  son , it’s  alright ; but  if  the  same  thing  is  done  by  the  son, it’s  brutal. If  one  wants  to  comment  on  things  then  he/ she  should  also  have  the  courage  to  confront  and  get  first hand  information  from  the  respective  person  involved. To  criticise  from  a  distance  is  not  difficult, get  in  there  and  you’ll  know  what  it  exactly  smells  like.

One  should  understand  that  the  action  one  takes  is  controlled  by  many  factors , not  one.  Sometimes  it’s  just  not  in  one’s  hands  to  do  what  they  wish  like.  Everything  is  a  consequence... one  leading  to  another. Someone  has  rightly  said, ‘ what  one  sows  is  what  one  reaps’ ; and  this  is  a  pretty  good  explanation  for  all  that  happens  in  each  of  our  lives. The  KARMA explains  it  all ! However, it’s  wrong  to  pass  derogatory  comments  about  people  without  even  knowing  the  inside –out  about  the  situation. What  is  wrong  cannot  be  undone, so  what  does  the  society  around  do  about  it  other  than  criticising?  Nothing  other  than  making  it  look  like  a  crime  even  when  it  is  not. One  who’s  not  perfect  himself  has  no  right  to  comment  on  other’s  imperfections.

This  would  just  go  on  forever  but  what  one  can  do  is  either  not  care  about  what  people  say and  continue  doing  one’s  duty  or  get  carried  away  by such  trivial , meaningless  comments  that  people  make. As  the  saying  goes, ‘ practice  what  you  preach’  or  do  not  preach  at  all  coz  it’s  easier  said  than  done.

P.S: What  hurts  is  when  your  close ones  whose  values  and  ideologies   you  once  respected  get  tainted  with  gossipy  rumours.

Love- a treat to the senses!

Human beings have evolved over years and so has ‘love’. Many of us today are critical of the whole concept of love! Most of us talk about the love in previous generations and glamorize it by calling it the ‘true’ love, the ‘ideal’ one. But here’s my question to them, have you even lived or experienced the love of that generation to having been commenting on it at the first place. I’d agree if you say that love has been more intense and true in those times as people held words more important than life itself. The value that the words had at that time is evident in the perseverance of the relationships by the people of that generation. But what those times lacked is the expression of love. Love existed but was never expressed. Though one felt love, it would get limited to the feeling. The society then was lot more stiffly in nature and thus constricting the free expression of a being. But thanks to the law of time, it is not stagnant and flows even faster than the river. A famous quote goes like this- That which does not change does not grow and that which does not grow, dies! Love has grown past time. Love which was like the radio before has now turned into the I-pod of today. From shying away to the confident deep gaze in each other’s eyes; from meeting in seclusion to the meetings amidst the people; from plucked roses to the customised expensive bouquets; from longing for a letter to the instant message services. Love has become extraordinary with creativity in its act of expression. Giving a chocolate, calling an old friend, lending a shoulder to rest upon, clasping the hands to avoid from trembling, giving a warm hug when much needed, texting across a morning wish, sharing the craziest 3 am dream, preserving the chocolate wrapper given by a dear one, to know things unsaid, to understand the smile behind the tears, to call when anticipated, and it goes on and on...more than the love itself it is the act of love which makes it beautiful. These li’l expressions together add to a larger meaning of love! In the rush of life today, where one does not find time for personal sharing of emotions, these act as the easy channel for the deepest feelings to travel through from one heart to the other.

 In the course of innovation, love is being materialized and taken for granted. One must not compromise on their feelings for these material gains. What a smile could do in the past is now done by a bunch of red roses. The expression of love is just void without true love in a heart just like the flowers that loses its essence without its fragrance. One needs to feel before he expresses. And one needs to express once he feels. Both are as important as the bottle and its cap! Along with the showing aspect, knowing aspect becomes equally important. Show it for them to know it.

If love was true and ideal in those times then why were the highest numbers of wars fought in that era? Love in that generation remained behind walls but now it’s out in the open. The world is far more peaceful than it was and this is only because the people today are more loving in nature than they were. We have understood the necessity of love in life and hence wish to love and be loved. Though not forgetting the fact that love today is being tainted by possessiveness, jealousy, ego, insecurity, and dominance and most important of all, expectations! Expectations spoil the game of love. When expectations are low, the magic happens. Love the person selflessly is what can be advised. One should think of their deeds and not of their needs. Once you break out of your narrow pessimist mind the only optimistic thing you’ll find is love.

 Love is in the living and the non-living! Love is in the candle that stands melting itself in the dark, love is in the key unlocking its lock, love is in the embroidery intricately woven along the cloth, love is in the needle which longs for completeness without its thread, love is in the river longing to meet the sea, love is in the smile that lightens a face, love is in the bright yellow of a sunflower... Love is here! Love is everywhere! Do not ‘fall in love’, instead, ‘rise in love’!!!


The above piece of writing is a result of a conversation with a friend who happens to be my guide and philosopher. This writing would be incomplete without my acknowledgement towards him! Thank you!

The world still judges a book by its cover!

I happened to visit the library recently and during this intellectual tour I realised an unconscious or rather a subconscious understanding within me! As I was wondering which book would I enjoy reading , I picked up a book from the shelf..read the title and kept it back carefully.Went to another row of books, read reviews, turned pages and repeated this wid a number of books...finally i happened to see a book with a colourful cover page,title in bold,abstract pictures on it ... basically an attractive cover! I issued the book! I didn't bother to even read a few lines about it but assumed it to be a nice one as suggested by its outlook. Oh yes... u guessed it right.. the book wasn't as fascinating as it should have been..I wrongly judged a thing by its appearance..

Well this is the situation each one of us face at every step of decision making.. be it food,clothing,books or even while choosing friends and forming relationships.. though some of us would deny this fact and say- no we don't... but the hard truth is we all are judgemental..judging which is based on appearance! Be it a conscious choice or an unconscious one... but we tend to incline towards the one which APPEARS beautiful..now u might say BEAUTY LIES IN THE EYES OF A PERSON.... blah blah..!!! then y do u think in movies they cast the most handsome actor and the best looking actress, make them fall in love etc..
we are all discriminants who like to watch only the BEAUTIFUL, the FAIR.. Isn't it enough for us to look presentable? no... we need mirrors, hide our imperfections, appear beautiful! Isn't FEELING BEAUTIFUL more important than anything else??? but the world is built in a way where a good looking person is always preferred over an intellectual simple looking peson! I'm not saying that good looking people have no intellect but those with a better intellect but not good looks will have to struggle slightly more than usual for their work to be noticed...they would have to struggle everywhere, at every instance throughout their life to achieve their goal among these beautyminded people...this notion is deep rooted in our society and is too difficult to be transformed so easily... but... nothing is impossible here...
All i can say now is-love the YOU in you, PAMPER yourself, do everything you can to look good, take care.... coz
THE WORLD STILL JUDGES A BOOK BY ITS COVER!!!